i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
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karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Vodka?
Forever.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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