you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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