Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
