Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
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Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
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I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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