I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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