There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
