speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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