Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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