you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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