why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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