Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
