I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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