Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
