you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
