Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
