I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
