Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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