I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
