I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
