There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
