Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Send help, water and tortillas.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
