I can tuck mytits in my pants
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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