Don't make out with my wife yet
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
