Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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