I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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