Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
