I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just found a bag of teeth...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
