I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
