uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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