oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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