jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
