the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
