She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
