I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
