Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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