dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
