I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
