dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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