my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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