I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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