why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
