My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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