ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
