i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
