fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
that is very illegal...i love you.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
