i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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