drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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