I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
