so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
