I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
