i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
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An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
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It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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