The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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