he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
