we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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