Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
