so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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