my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize