I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just had sex bonerless
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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