Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When did angry sex become our thing?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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