I think my vagina is haunted
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
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