I'm laying in your front yard are you home
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
