3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
