Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
nutella sex= disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize