Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
