I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
