he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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