"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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