then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
